In the Beginning

This all started on Wednesday, Oct. 6. I'm in our study room downloading games for our Nintendo Wii. Yes, I know it's illegal, but I'll be darned if I don't get all giddy and excited every time I open up my computer and see a message waiting for me saying that my game has finished downloading. Plus, it took me almost a week of hard work to figure out how to get the hacked games to work, so I figure I've earned my right to illegally download games. (If any of you want to rat me out to the police, I will vehemently deny everything and say this blog is just a work of fiction.)

Anyway, the wife is in the bathroom and she calls me in. In her hand is a pregnancy test. It shows two lines on it, albeit very faint. I get all excited, chalk up our success to my super sperm and ask for a high-five, though I'm a little upset that she didn't tell me earlier that she was doing a pregnancy test. I am truly psyched because we've been trying for a few months now.

However, she seems less than joyful as she calmly tells me that she's not sure if the results are accurate because the line is very faint. I say “No, no, it's fine,” give her a pat on the butt, and then go back to downloading games. And that my friends, was a huge mistake.

She claims my actions showed that I wasn't excited and that I didn't really care about having a baby. Nonsense! Complete rubbish, I tell you! I'm sure she'll want to argue with what she really thinks happened, but since this is my journal, it's going to be my version. She can write her own version if she wants.

In my defense, she was the one who wasn't excited, saying how the pregnancy test wasn't accurate. Talk about a mood killer. To me, it sounded like she was the one who didn't want a baby. Not a good thing to say to your wife, by the way.

So, we're off to a rough start, but nothing out of the normal. I admit I do have a knack for annoying her with the littlest, most innocent things I say or do, all without trying. Some might even say it's a God-given talent. Too bad it's a talent that’s not remotely useful in today’s society.

After she calmed down a bit that same night, I begin to print out pictures to put into photo frames to decorate our house with and begin reorganizing things around the house. To be honest, I thought she'd kind of like the pictures I printed out. But as usual, the way things unfold in my mind usually never happen that way in real life. Instead of a "Good job, honey," I manage to get her in a tiffy all over again.

She claims that I am always trying to take over the duties of decorating our place, which is true. I admit that I am very anal when it comes to where and how things are placed. If something is not to my liking, I will move it and change things around until I'm satisfied. This happens to really annoy her. 

We had just recently moved in her oldest sister’s apartment, which we’re renting because her family was relocated to Italy for two years on account of her husband’s job. I had promised the wife that I would let her handle all the decorating. Unfortunately, I did a pretty crappy job of keeping to my promise, and I suppose that night was the tipping point.

I apologized and admitted I was wrong, and to show just how bad I felt, I took down all our decorations in our apartment and put them up. This way, I wouldn't be tempted to fiddle with them anymore and she could take them out and place them wherever she wanted and whenever she felt like it.

Well, so much for my misplaced judgment. Our house now looks as bare as a jail cell. The pregnancy fiasco and my habit of redecorating earned me a night on the couch.