The Tibetan Lama Returns

In my opinion, our baby’s been extremely lucky so far – a misdiagnosis for spina bifida (I’m putting my faith in the blood test and our primary baby doctor) and some relatively harmless choroid plexus cysts. 

I picture our baby in my wife’s womb fighting off all these diseases, mutations, and disorders with crisp roundhouse kicks and flaming uppercuts. Our baby is a born fighter. Watch out, Chuck! You’re not the only one who’s going to punch their way out of their mother’s womb.

I did right in choosing Seagal as our baby’s name. And while the wife still refuses to accept Seagal as our baby’s official name, that hasn’t stopped me from referring to our baby as Seagal. And it hasn’t stopped me from calling our baby, Seagal, when I say good night to her. 

The wife will get used to the name Seagal. I’ll break her down in due time. My plan is to say the name Seagal so often that she’ll subconsciously start referring to Seagal as Seagal. It’s a devious, yet brilliant plan at the same time. It’s something the real Seagal would be proud of.

After a few days, my plan seems to be working:

Jessie: My friend says that she hopes our baby will be OK. I said I believe our baby will be OK.
Me: I KNOW Seagal will be OK.
Jessie: Because we both love her.
Me: Exactly. We both love Seagal.
Jessie: YES.

Notice how, in these instant messages, after I called our baby, Seagal, the wife acknowledges my statements both times. She could have easily said that our baby’s name is not Seagal. Is she not indirectly acknowledging that our baby’s name is Seagal? Could this be a sign that she’s succumbing to the hypnotic draw of our baby’s name? Let’s take a look at another example.

Jessie: What do you want to eat for dinner?
Me: I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Seagal?
Jessie: She says she wants to eat rice.
Me: Are you sure Seagal wants to eat rice?
Jessie: Yes, that’s what she wants.
Me: Whelp, if Seagal wants to eat rice, then rice is what Seagal shall get.
Jessie: OK. Thanks.

In this short, verbal exchange, I dropped the name, Seagal, four times. She didn’t even bat an eye. It seems she has become accustomed to this name through my repeated repetitions and has no qualms now with me addressing our baby as Seagal. While she hasn’t openly called our baby Seagal yet, I feel she’s taking a step in the right direction. Give me a few more weeks and victory shall be mine!