Payback Sucks

Every other week or so, Jessie will have a bad dream where I’m off cavorting with other girls. How do I know she has these dreams? Because I’m shaken from my peaceful slumber by a slap across the face and several hammerfists to the chest. 

Of course I have no idea what’s going on and can only whimper, “Why? For the love of God, what did I do to deserve this?!” She then begins her tearful account of the horrible dream that she just had and the terrible things I did in the dream. I usually hug her for a few minutes telling her everything is ok before she falls back to sleep.

I’m not a bad guy. I think I’m pretty decent. I’ve never cheated on her, so why she has these dreams is beyond me. She claims it’s because I’m abnormally handsome and just worries that some random woman will whisk me away. I’m not going to argue the handsome part, but as far as some random woman kidnapping me, that’s highly improbable.   

About two weeks ago, I had a dream where we had daughter. I was on the computer and found some NSFW pictures of her with another man. I confronted her and asked what she was doing with this man behind my back. She said that this man was the principal at the school our daughter was enrolled at and the only way we could afford to keep her at the school was if she went out with him. 

She didn’t feel like she had done anything wrong and made it seem like she as doing us a favor instead. Yea, right … I packed my bags and our daughter’s bag and we left.

After I told Jessie this dream, I was expecting some sort of sympathy from her, like what I’d do for her if she has a bad dream. Instead, she coolly says that dreams are the opposite of what will happen in real life. Therefore, once again, I will be the one doing the cheating, not her. Wha-?!! I love how she's able to flip things around with such ease.

The other night, she had another one of her bad dreams. She wakes me up and starts to tell me about it, obviously looking for some condolence. Hah! I've been patiently waiting for this moment. Two can play at this game. 

I coldly say that dreams are the opposite of what will happen in real life. Therefore, for every dream that she’s ever had of me cheating on her, she’s the one that’s been cheating on me! I roll back over and go back to sleep. Payback sucks, eh?

What does this have anything to do with babies? Well, dreams that women have during pregnancy, especially in the last trimester, are often vivid and scary. This is completely normal. Such dreams may provide a way for a woman’s subconscious to deal with any fears and insecurities they no doubt have about pregnancy and impending motherhood.

Even with this fact, Jessie gets little sympathy from me. As harsh as that may sound, you have to admit that she did have this coming. The student has now become the teacher. Perhaps you should loan me your nickname.