Usually, something like bowel movements comes easy for me, like solving a complex quadratic equation. However, I've been giving my abdominal muscles a pretty good workout these past few days. As I'm sitting on the toilet this morning, my mind wanders back to two nights ago.
It's nighttime and Jessie's on the toilet. It's a known fact, or at least among baby experts, that women experience bouts of constipation throughout their pregnancy. This is thought to occur due to hormones that relax the intestinal muscle and because of the pressure of the expanding uterus on the intestines.
I'm in the other room and hear her struggling in the bathroom. It sounds as if she's trying to give birth. I urge her on, giving her husbandly cries of encouragement.
It's nighttime and Jessie's on the toilet. It's a known fact, or at least among baby experts, that women experience bouts of constipation throughout their pregnancy. This is thought to occur due to hormones that relax the intestinal muscle and because of the pressure of the expanding uterus on the intestines.
I'm in the other room and hear her struggling in the bathroom. It sounds as if she's trying to give birth. I urge her on, giving her husbandly cries of encouragement.
"Push, baby, push! You can do it! Ok, breathe. Breathe! I said practice your breathing technique, dangit! You can’t push without breathing! Alright, give it another push now. You're almost there!"
And she's responding. She's started a rhythmic pattern of pushing and breathing, just like when giving birth. Then, it dawned on me that this is a great way to simulate having a baby. Jessie's had problems with constipation even before becoming pregnant, and with all this practice, by the time it comes to the actual birth, she'll be able to do this in her sleep.
As far as this morning is concerned, as I'm grunting and panting with clenched fists, eyes shut and pushing so hard that I thought I would have an aneurism, I knew that this must be what giving birth is like. I'm experiencing the joys and pain of having a baby! Or something like it at least. Who says men can't partake in this sacred act.
And she's responding. She's started a rhythmic pattern of pushing and breathing, just like when giving birth. Then, it dawned on me that this is a great way to simulate having a baby. Jessie's had problems with constipation even before becoming pregnant, and with all this practice, by the time it comes to the actual birth, she'll be able to do this in her sleep.
As far as this morning is concerned, as I'm grunting and panting with clenched fists, eyes shut and pushing so hard that I thought I would have an aneurism, I knew that this must be what giving birth is like. I'm experiencing the joys and pain of having a baby! Or something like it at least. Who says men can't partake in this sacred act.
And for all the women out there who are shaking their heads at what I've just written, let me remind you that there are many out of bed positions that are becoming more popular, particularly with women who have trouble pushing in bed. One of them is the TOI-…wait for it…LET position. That’s right folks, the TOILET position! True fact. I rest my case.
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