Stretch Marks

As the wife’s belly has been growing in size over the last few months, she’s been increasingly getting more worried about stretch marks. Now this is an area where I’ve got some experience. You probably don’t want to know, but I have stretch marks on my butt cheeks. Lots of them.

Stretch marks occur when the body expands and skin stretches faster than it can adjust. This results in the skin tearing, which causes a scar. Don’t ask me how I got mine. I don’t know because my butt is pretty flat with no fat to help cushion me when I sit. 

Back in high school when I used to play the cello in orchestra, the chairs we used were very hard and uncomfortable to sit on. It was more or less bone touching skin, touching hard plastic, when I was sitting down. Sitting on those seats for an hour created an unbearable pain that made my ass sweat profusely. 

At the end of class, there would always be a nice sweaty imprint of my ass left on the seat when I would stand up. Embarrassed, I would usually wait until other people had gotten up and left before I would do so, or I would deftly move my bottom from side to side in an attempt to wipe up my sweaty mess. 

Point is, I don’t have a big butt. Which is why for the longest time, I thought the stretch marks on my butt cheeks were from my parents spanking me when I was a kid. I never really thought of myself as a really bad kid, but I must have been because I often got spanked. We had this feather duster with a bamboo handle that was a favorite tool my parents liked to use on me. I just figured over the years, all those lashes created scars on my butt. 

But enough about me. Last night, after Jessie showered, she asked me to inspect her stomach for any stretch marks. I noticed some small red marks beginning to show underneath her stomach. She immediately began panicking and ran into the bedroom to slather on her stretch mark cream. 

Unfortunately, there’s not much that she can do to prevent stretch marks from happening. There’s no proof that creams, oils, or salves that claim to prevent stretch marks actually work. About all they do is keep the skin moisturized and help prevent itching.

Approximately 75-90% of pregnant women will get stretch marks. The odds are not in the wife’s favor.  The most important factor as to whether or not you will get stretch marks is genetics. If your mom or sister didn’t get them, you probably won’t either. The good news for Jessie is that her sister Sally didn’t get stretch marks. 

So maybe there still is hope for her. Maybe the small red marks will just remain small red marks and won’t become the long, unsightly lines that have come to define my butt cheeks.

P.S. No need to worry. The above picture is not of the wife's belly. When it does actually become like that, I will definitely be snapping some pictures and posting them up for your entertainment. OK, no I won't. That wouldn't be right. See, honey, I am changing! Self high-five! (smack!)