Help Wanted

Jessie’s become increasingly frustrated at how I won’t let her do anything in the house anymore. I usually plop her on the couch, hand her the remote, and tell her to stay while I go around doing the housework. You’d think this is the dream of every pregnant and non-pregnant woman in the world. 

She often feels guilty for having me do everything, and truth be told, I do try to make a big scene of things when I’m doing the chores, just to make her feel bad. 

Me: Whelp, I’m off to do the dishes.
Me: If I don’t do them, who will?
Me: Wow! Will you look at all these dirty dishes!
Me: The frying pan is really dirty. I will scrub it until it shines.
Me: Whew! This scrubbing is hard work, but don’t worry about me. You just sit there and relax.
Me: Look at how well I cleaned these glasses! Do you see how they sparkle when I hold them under the light?
Me: Ta-da! I’m all done! It was tough, but I got the job done.
Me: I think I’ll go tackle the dirty laundry now. My work around the house is never done!

I know, I’m a horrible husband. 

I’ve been noticing that I get extremely hostile now whenever she tries to do any of the housework. It’s not because I like doing the work, but because I’ve got a system of doing things now, and she’s ruining the system. Get with the system, woman! 

Yesterday night, she happily tells me that she’s finally found a chore for herself that she can do without getting in the way. You see, I always leave the string at the sink after I floss and forget to throw it away after I shower. And since she usually showers after me, she’s the one that has to pick it up. I suppose out of the kindness of my heart, I could let her have this most important task. Anything to keep the wife happy!