June 6, 8:00 p.m. – Regular contractions start. They last approximately one minute and are 10 minutes apart.
June 7, 1:00 a.m. – Jessie’s had about all that she can stand of her never-ending contractions and wants to go to the hospital. I tell her the contractions are still too far apart, but she could care less. She calls the hospital, but they tell her the same thing – to stay home and wait.
If anything, Jessie’s one persistent son of a gun. The hospital could tell her to stay home 99 times, but she’d still make that hundredth call, just in case.
Jessie: These contractions are f***ing painful!
Me: Well, don’t forget what your mom said. “You haven’t even begun to experience pain yet.”
(Jessie reaches over and slaps husband across the face.)
2:30 a.m. – Contractions are still lasting approximately one minute in length, but are now 7 minutes apart. Jessie says she’s ready to go to the hospital. I tell her that her contractions aren’t 5 minutes apart yet.
She should follow the 5-1-1 guideline. Contractions that are 5 minutes apart, 1 minute each time, for one hour. There’s a reason it’s not called the 10-1-1 or 7-1-1 guideline. She gets angry when I say this and stomps/waddles off.
3:20 a.m. – Contractions are lasting one minute and are 5 minutes and 30 seconds apart. That’s close enough for Jessie. She gets her things ready and we’re off to the hospital.
4:45 a.m. – The doctor comes in to inspect Jessie. Apparently, contractions that are 5 minutes apart aren’t good enough. For first time mothers, they should be about 3 minutes apart. Her cervix has also only dilated about 2 cm. The doctor says it should be about 4 cm when she’s admitted to the hospital. To Jessie’s dismay, it’s time to head on back home.
Doctor: On a scale of one to ten, one being pain that’s hardly felt, and ten being pain that makes you want to jump off the roof of a building, what would you rate your pain?
Jessie: Maybe a 7 or 8.
7 or 8?!! This is only the Early Phase of labor! This is supposed to be tiddlywinks compared to the Transition Phase. I think the doctor’s going to have to make a completely new pain scale just for Jessie.
10:15 a.m. – Contractions are lasting a little over a minute, but have now become 6 minutes and 30 seconds apart. Jessie seems to have lost all hope that this will end any time soon. As far as she’s concerned, this is hell and she’s eternally damned to be tormented by these contractions.
11:00 a.m. – Jessie’s mom comes over to check on her. She and my mom are in agreement that Jessie should go to the hospital. Jessie is more than happy to oblige. My argument about how the doctor said to wait until contractions are 3 minutes apart, fall on deaf ears. They’ve out-voted me, 3 to 1.
Considering the fact that the wife didn’t sleep at all last night and has painful contractions every few minutes or so, I'm surprised that she’s held up this long. For someone with an extremely low threshold for pain, she’s doing admiringly well.
Sure, she did look crazily into my eyes more than a few times telling me that she wanted to end this now and get a C-section instead, but thus far, she hasn’t backed up her words. I don’t know if she can maintain this kind of willpower in the later phases and stages of labor, but I’m in your corner!
Now, back to the hospital!
June 7, 1:00 a.m. – Jessie’s had about all that she can stand of her never-ending contractions and wants to go to the hospital. I tell her the contractions are still too far apart, but she could care less. She calls the hospital, but they tell her the same thing – to stay home and wait.
If anything, Jessie’s one persistent son of a gun. The hospital could tell her to stay home 99 times, but she’d still make that hundredth call, just in case.
Jessie: These contractions are f***ing painful!
Me: Well, don’t forget what your mom said. “You haven’t even begun to experience pain yet.”
(Jessie reaches over and slaps husband across the face.)
2:30 a.m. – Contractions are still lasting approximately one minute in length, but are now 7 minutes apart. Jessie says she’s ready to go to the hospital. I tell her that her contractions aren’t 5 minutes apart yet.
She should follow the 5-1-1 guideline. Contractions that are 5 minutes apart, 1 minute each time, for one hour. There’s a reason it’s not called the 10-1-1 or 7-1-1 guideline. She gets angry when I say this and stomps/waddles off.
3:20 a.m. – Contractions are lasting one minute and are 5 minutes and 30 seconds apart. That’s close enough for Jessie. She gets her things ready and we’re off to the hospital.
4:45 a.m. – The doctor comes in to inspect Jessie. Apparently, contractions that are 5 minutes apart aren’t good enough. For first time mothers, they should be about 3 minutes apart. Her cervix has also only dilated about 2 cm. The doctor says it should be about 4 cm when she’s admitted to the hospital. To Jessie’s dismay, it’s time to head on back home.
Doctor: On a scale of one to ten, one being pain that’s hardly felt, and ten being pain that makes you want to jump off the roof of a building, what would you rate your pain?
Jessie: Maybe a 7 or 8.
7 or 8?!! This is only the Early Phase of labor! This is supposed to be tiddlywinks compared to the Transition Phase. I think the doctor’s going to have to make a completely new pain scale just for Jessie.
10:15 a.m. – Contractions are lasting a little over a minute, but have now become 6 minutes and 30 seconds apart. Jessie seems to have lost all hope that this will end any time soon. As far as she’s concerned, this is hell and she’s eternally damned to be tormented by these contractions.
11:00 a.m. – Jessie’s mom comes over to check on her. She and my mom are in agreement that Jessie should go to the hospital. Jessie is more than happy to oblige. My argument about how the doctor said to wait until contractions are 3 minutes apart, fall on deaf ears. They’ve out-voted me, 3 to 1.
Considering the fact that the wife didn’t sleep at all last night and has painful contractions every few minutes or so, I'm surprised that she’s held up this long. For someone with an extremely low threshold for pain, she’s doing admiringly well.
Sure, she did look crazily into my eyes more than a few times telling me that she wanted to end this now and get a C-section instead, but thus far, she hasn’t backed up her words. I don’t know if she can maintain this kind of willpower in the later phases and stages of labor, but I’m in your corner!
Now, back to the hospital!
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