The Baby Expert: Fright Night

First and foremost, a happy belated Mother’s Day to one of the hardest working woman in the world who holds down the fort day in and day out and puts up with my annoying habits and shenanigans. Your tops in my book!

After an early Mother’s Day dinner on Friday, the wife and I were cozied up watching True Detective on TV late at night, when out of the blue, Caitlyn comes out of the bedroom and walks to the end of the hallway to the living room. This, in and of itself, is surprising because she never does that. If she ever wakes up, she’ll always choose to shout out our names and wait for us to come to her instead of actually climbing out of bed to find us.

But what happened next was creepy. Instead of looking at us and speaking as one might do when seeing someone for the first time, she had a glazed-over look in her eyes and proceeded to walk silently into the kitchen. My first thought was, “Oh my God! She’s been possessed by a ghost or demon!” My second thought was, “She must be sleepwalking.” My third thought was, “Yup, she’s definitely been possessed.”

As the wife and I watched Caitlyn wander into the kitchen, we weren’t sure what to do. This has never happened before, which made it all the creepier. My mind started racing through all the horror movies I’ve ever seen with scary kids as I began to get goose bumps all over my arms. What's the correct protocol for dealing with demon-possessed children?

A few seconds passed in which there was no sound or movement, so we decided to get up to see exactly what she doing. What we saw was enough to give me chills down my spine. Caitlyn was just standing in the middle of the kitchen blankly staring at the rice cooker. “Why the rice cooker,” I remember thinking. But I suppose looking at a harmless rice cooker is better than looking at the sharp knives on the counter that can slice and dice.

After about ten seconds of this, she turned to look at us. Oh, snap! This is the part where she says, “Time for you die,” in a demonic voice while pointing a finger at us. The wife finally broke the tension by going in and picking her up, at which point, the glazed-over look left Caitlyn’s face.

Looking back, I don’t know if I would have had the testicular fortitude to go in to pick up Caitlyn after something like that. I’ve seen way to many movies where the child suddenly lunges at the person and proceeds to bite and maim the victim. I would have kept her at a good stick’s length and told her to get back into bed by herself, and when I was sure she was asleep, secretly lock the door.

I love my daughter, but I’m not about to have her turn all Paranormal Activity on me. You can never be too careful.