Get to Know Your Epididymis

“I want to remember this summer…but not like this…” – Gabriella Montez, High School Musical 2

Oh, Ms. Montez. Your words of wisdom have never rung truer. I, too, wanted to remember this summer, but definitely not like this.

I have a cautionary tale for any fathers out there. Actually, any males out there. Words such as testicle, scrotal pain, inflammation, and penile discharge will be used in the following paragraphs. If those words don’t seem very appealing to you, then I suggest you stop reading right here.

Just as I’m starting to get over my enterovirus and looking forward to things returning back to normal, I start getting a dull ache/pain in my testicular region Saturday evening. I initially brushed it off, but as the night wore on, something definitely was not right.

The next morning, I decided it best to go to the hospital to see what the problem was. While there, I started trying to self-diagnose myself online. After some time, I stumbled across an article about epididymitis. Epididymitis is characterized by the inflammation, pain, and discomfort of the epididymis, which is a tightly-coiled tube that sits on the back of the testicle.

There are several causes of epididymitis, but the one that caught my attention, and one of the rarer causes is having the enterovirus. Symptoms of epididymitis start gradually and usually peak within 24 hours. There’s abdominal pain, scrotal pain and swelling, occasional blood in urine, penile discharge, fever, and nausea. Standard treatment usually includes taking antibiotics for 10 days and praying fervently that the epididymitis disappears.

Well, I definitely didn’t have any penile discharge, blood in the urine, fever, or nausea, but there was scrotal pain and swelling, and I did just have the enterovirus. I decided to settle for this self-diagnosis, which was better than my other alternative, testicular torsion – the twisting of the spermatic cord, which cuts off the testicle’s blood supply. Pain is acute and if treatment is not swift,  can lead to the excision of the testicle. Epididymitis definitely sounded a lot better.

Thankfully, the doctor agreed with me and sent me home with my antibiotics. However, I was not at all pleased with his response when I asked him how long it would take before I was better.

“Maybe a week. Maybe 2 months. It’s very hard to tell. Come back again next week for a check-up.”

2 months!! Are you kidding me?! Things didn’t get better when I started doing more research and found that quite a few people have had epididymitis for years and that it’s commonly reoccurring. Moreover, complications may include sterility, scrotal abscess, infection of the bloodstream, and gangrene. Gangrene?!! This is exactly why you stay off the internet.

Now I’m afraid to look down when I go to the bathroom for fear that I’ll see my testicle rotting off. I’m afraid to touch my testicle for fear that it’ll explode. I’m afraid of standing or walking for fear of infected blood coursing down to my testicle. It takes all my strength and willpower not to think about the negatives. Why do outlooks always have to be so serious?

So what’s to be learned from this grisly story of mine? What should you walk away with? Well, for one, if your child ever gets the enterovirus, stay the hell away. Go live in a hotel several miles away for at least a week. You miss your child? There’s something called Skype and Facetime these days.

If leaving town isn't possible, take all necessary precautions to not get infected. That includes washing your hands as often as humanly possible, wearing a facemask, taking your vitamins, exercising, getting enough sleep, and disinfecting things as you use them. And if luck is on your side, hopefully, you won’t turn out like me.

Above all, make sure you take time out each and every day to appreciate your testicles. Because you just never know.