Get to Know Your Epididymis

“I want to remember this summer…but not like this…” – Gabriella Montez, High School Musical 2

Oh, Ms. Montez. Your words of wisdom have never rung truer. I, too, wanted to remember this summer, but definitely not like this.

I have a cautionary tale for any fathers out there. Actually, any males out there. Words such as testicle, scrotal pain, inflammation, and penile discharge will be used in the following paragraphs. If those words don’t seem very appealing to you, then I suggest you stop reading right here.

Just as I’m starting to get over my enterovirus and looking forward to things returning back to normal, I start getting a dull ache/pain in my testicular region Saturday evening. I initially brushed it off, but as the night wore on, something definitely was not right.

The next morning, I decided it best to go to the hospital to see what the problem was. While there, I started trying to self-diagnose myself online. After some time, I stumbled across an article about epididymitis. Epididymitis is characterized by the inflammation, pain, and discomfort of the epididymis, which is a tightly-coiled tube that sits on the back of the testicle.

There are several causes of epididymitis, but the one that caught my attention, and one of the rarer causes is having the enterovirus. Symptoms of epididymitis start gradually and usually peak within 24 hours. There’s abdominal pain, scrotal pain and swelling, occasional blood in urine, penile discharge, fever, and nausea. Standard treatment usually includes taking antibiotics for 10 days and praying fervently that the epididymitis disappears.

Well, I definitely didn’t have any penile discharge, blood in the urine, fever, or nausea, but there was scrotal pain and swelling, and I did just have the enterovirus. I decided to settle for this self-diagnosis, which was better than my other alternative, testicular torsion – the twisting of the spermatic cord, which cuts off the testicle’s blood supply. Pain is acute and if treatment is not swift,  can lead to the excision of the testicle. Epididymitis definitely sounded a lot better.

Thankfully, the doctor agreed with me and sent me home with my antibiotics. However, I was not at all pleased with his response when I asked him how long it would take before I was better.

“Maybe a week. Maybe 2 months. It’s very hard to tell. Come back again next week for a check-up.”

2 months!! Are you kidding me?! Things didn’t get better when I started doing more research and found that quite a few people have had epididymitis for years and that it’s commonly reoccurring. Moreover, complications may include sterility, scrotal abscess, infection of the bloodstream, and gangrene. Gangrene?!! This is exactly why you stay off the internet.

Now I’m afraid to look down when I go to the bathroom for fear that I’ll see my testicle rotting off. I’m afraid to touch my testicle for fear that it’ll explode. I’m afraid of standing or walking for fear of infected blood coursing down to my testicle. It takes all my strength and willpower not to think about the negatives. Why do outlooks always have to be so serious?

So what’s to be learned from this grisly story of mine? What should you walk away with? Well, for one, if your child ever gets the enterovirus, stay the hell away. Go live in a hotel several miles away for at least a week. You miss your child? There’s something called Skype and Facetime these days.

If leaving town isn't possible, take all necessary precautions to not get infected. That includes washing your hands as often as humanly possible, wearing a facemask, taking your vitamins, exercising, getting enough sleep, and disinfecting things as you use them. And if luck is on your side, hopefully, you won’t turn out like me.

Above all, make sure you take time out each and every day to appreciate your testicles. Because you just never know.

Real Convos with My 2-Year-Old

When I started growing little, itty bitty spots on my hands from the enterovirus, I thought, “Hey, these are pretty cute.” But now that they’ve mutated into sores and blisters and taken on a life of their own, I’m having second thoughts about the cuteness, unless you consider a leper cute. My mouth looks like it could belong on a poster addressing the dangers of STD's, and I’ll spare you a photo of my feet with blisters peeling off. It’s cruel how a disease that mainly persists in children is actually more potent in adults. But I suppose better me looking like a leper than my daughter.

With all this time off this week, I’ve managed to catch up on a lot of reading and also stumbled upon some Youtube videos I found on a fellow blogger’s site. It’s a series called “Convos with My 2-Year-Old.” It’s basically about a dad and the conversations he has with his daughter with the twist being that another grown man is taking the place of his 2 year old daughter in the videos. They're all rather amusing, in my opinion.

But this got me thinking; this guy is having some pretty advanced conversations with his daughter. I don’t know if she’s at the front-end or the tail-end of being 2, but either way, that’s some impressive stuff. I actually want some proof that this guy isn’t yanking my chain. Show us some real conversations of you and your daughter!

Caitlyn’s almost 2 years and 3 months old now and this is what our typical conversations look like. Think these would make for some good videos? I would title them, "REAL Convos with My 2-Year-Old."

Catilyn: TV!
Me: No. You can’t watch TV yet. It’s too early.
Caitlyn: TV!
Me: No. The TV’s sleeping now. Shhh…
Caitlyn: Sleeping?
Me: Yes. Sleeping.
Caitlyn: Shhh….
Me: Shhh…
Caitlyn: TV!!!!!!

(telephone ringing)
Me: Hello?
Caitlyn: (comes running over) Who.
Me: (talking on the phone)
Caitlyn: Who!
Me: (talking on the phone)
Caitlyn: WHO!!!!
Me: It’s Grandma.
Caitlyn: Oh. (walks away)

Look at my cake!

Time for a wish

 

Tilted sideways

It's a Kodak moment

Being Sick Sucks

What time is it?
Summertime! It's our vacation!
What time is it?
Party time! That's right, say it loud!
What time is it?
Time of our lives! Anticipation!
What time is it?
Summertime! School's out, scream and shout!

Admit it. You know where this song is from. You've either secretly or openly watched it before and liked it. After a busy month of watching High School Musical 2 in summer school with my students and neglecting my blog, I was all but ready for a 2 week break before school starts up again. Caitlyn would be at daycare, letting the wife and me to have some time to ourselves.

However, much to our dismay, Caitlyn contracted an enterovirus from her daycare on Friday. Enteroviruses are so named because they initially enter the body through the gastrointestinal tract, but can cause a wide variety of illnesses. They are common among young children and sprout up mainly in the summer and early fall, with the most common place for infection is, where else, at daycares.

Symptoms include high fevers, chills, muscle aches, sore throats, weakness, and rashes and blisters on the hands, feet, and face. Most of the symptoms dissipate within 3 or 4 days, but it’s best to avoid contact with other people for a week to prevent the spread of disease.

That’s why Caitlyn has been placed under house arrest for the past week. For her part, she’s taken to it quite well. Probably because the wife leaves the TV on for her rather than having to deal with a fussy, sick baby.

To make things worse, I also contracted the enterovirus from Caitlyn the other day and can now say that I have shared in her misery. The wife has miseries of her own too, mainly having to take care of the two of us and doing most of the chores herself, all while trying to avoid getting sick. Actually, that doesn’t sound too different from what she does on a normal basis.

Even if none of us had gotten sick, the weather hasn’t been very cooperative. With an approaching tropical storm and a week’s forecast of rain, going for some trips outdoors would have been out of the questions. Ah well, maybe next week will bring a brighter outlook for us when we’re all better and if the wife somehow manages to escape unscathed.

My leg is not dinner!

Brushing up on her camera skills

 

Cereal and TV

Smiles

 

Taking a break

Growing up too fast

 

Doing the same pose

Catch me if you can!

 

I win!

Happier times