First off,
Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Birthday to the wife, Happy Birthday to my mom, Merry Christmas,
and while we’re at it, we might as well throw in Happy New Year, and Happy
Chinese New Year, just in case. It’s definitely been awhile.
I thought I’d
use this post to reflect back on how Caitlyn has been doing these past few
months. As many of you know, Caitlyn is an extremely shy child who has issues
in social surroundings. We pretty much knew this within her first year. We
thought consistent socialization would help, so we started sending her to
nursery school at age 2 and then to another one when she was 3. At both places,
she rarely uttered a word, and she would usually not interact with the other
children. Her teachers thought her to be a bit off, but we knew there was
nothing wrong with Caitlyn because she would run her mouth nonstop when at
home. We just figured she had anxiety issues and would eventually grow out of
them.
This year, she
started at her newest school, and for the first few months, things were pretty
much the same as before. She wouldn’t speak to her teachers or classmates, and
she’d always be at the outer edge of the group, watching and observing what others were
doing. Her classmates would even ask the teachers if Caitlyn spoke and any sort
of sound coming out of her mouth would elicit a gasp of astonishment from the
other kids. The wife and I still stuck to our guns that she would grow out of
this, but that confidence was slowly slipping away and at what point do you say
that more than enough time has passed?
I began to do
some research into social anxiety issues and stumbled across something called
selective mutism. Selective mutism is a childhood anxiety disorder
characterized by a child’s inability to speak in social settings, like school. However,
they are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable,
secure, and relaxed. This is different from being shy because children that are shy usually come out of their shell
within a month or so after becoming familiar with a person or environment. They’re
able to respond to questions, even though it may be in just a whisper. Children
with selective mutism are not able to respond at all. Other symptoms include
social isolation and withdrawal, difficulty maintaining eye contact, blank
expressions, reluctance to smile, and stiff and awkward movements.
However, it’s
not all gloom and doom. Children with selective mutism usually have
above-average intelligence and perception, creativity, a love for art or music,
empathy, and a strong sense of right and wrong.
Reading about selective mutism reminded me of a student that I taught a few years ago when she was in middle school. She
refused to speak in class even when she knew her grade depended on it. You
could have probably threatened to dunk her into a vat of boiling acid with 30-foot
alligators inside, and she still wouldn’t have said a peep. She wouldn’t talk
to her classmates either. But the
counselor did say that she would talk at home.
All of these
descriptions seemed to fit Caitlyn. She’s able to speak to people she’s
familiar with, basically family members or close friends, but with other people, you’d have
better luck winning the lottery than getting her to speak. I even asked her
current teacher, and she agreed that these characteristics described Caitlyn spot on. It was almost
a relief to finally put a name to what was wrong with my child.
However, the
bad thing with selective mutism is that it does not necessarily improve with
age or time. If it’s not addressed, selective mutism tends to be
self-reinforcing. If people don’t expect you to talk, they eventually start ignoring you and stop
addressing you completely. On the other hand, putting too much pressure on getting a child
to speak may make them become even more anxious. Having the child in a
supportive environment is the first step in the right direction.
Thankfully,
Caitlyn has two wonderful teachers that care a great deal about her and are
willing to work patiently with her. They give her space, but also give her lots
of positive reinforcement and encouragement. Slowly but surely, Caitlyn has begun
speaking to her teachers and classmates. She began with super quiet whispers
while avoiding eye contact and how now progressed to speaking in an audible
tone with eye contact. She’s also happily interacting and speaking with her
classmates. Heck, she even screams out “Good morning” and “Good night” to the
security guard of our apartment now. These things would have been unfathomable
just a short two months ago.
Her anxiety issues aren’t exactly cured and I’m
sure this will be a struggle of hers in the foreseeable future, but she’s headed in the
right direction, and for that, I’m grateful. To me, it's the best Christmas present I could
have asked for this year!
