Labor 101

Along with making sure I had my check-list in order, Jessie also asked me to brush up on the breathing techniques that she’s supposed to be doing while in labor. She says she might “forget” how to do them. What she’s really trying to say is, she has no clue and needs my expertise. Well, that’s what I’m here for! Therefore, without further ado, I will present a two-part, crash course to labor and breathing.

There are three basic stages to labor.

First stage: The first stage of labor occurs when the cervix (the narrow portion of the uterus that connects to the top of the vagina) dilates (opens) and effaces (thins out) to allow the baby down into the birth canal. The first stage of labor is divided into three phases: Early, Active, and Transition.

In the early phase, the woman will have irregular contractions, and the cervix will be dilated to 4 cm. (No need to break out the ruler for a measurement.) As the cervix begins to open, you will notice a thick, stringy, bloody discharge from the vagina. This is called a bloody show. No, this is not like a horror show on TV that you can watch while eating popcorn.

The early phase can last up to 14 hours or longer for some first-time moms. During this time, most women can carry on doing what they normally do. You don’t have to go to the hospital during the early phase.

In the active phase, contractions come at regular intervals and are stronger and closer together. You should be at the hospital or speeding your way there. Contractions tend to last 40 to 60 seconds and are spaced 3 to 5 minutes apart. Active labor can last up to 6 hours or longer. It is during this stage that an epidural (if needed) is used to decrease the pain.

The transition phase is one of the shortest parts of labor. However, it can last from several minutes to several hours. Contractions will last 60 to 90 seconds and come 2 to 3 minutes apart.

The transition phase is considered to be one of the hardest parts of labor and if she hasn't already started yet, the wife will soon begin cursing up a storm. If there’s one point during labor where the video camera should be recording, this is it. Nothing says "I love you" more than a big "F*** you!" At this point, the cervix will be dilated to 10 cm.

Second stage: This is the stage where the real pushing begins and the woman delivers the baby. It can take a few minutes or several hours. Breathing techniques are recommended to help ease the pain and keep the woman focused. Often times, women will poop during this stage because of the pushing that’s involved. (This could be an interesting photo-op, though I doubt the wife would approve.)

Third stage: The placenta is delivered in the third stage. This is the organ that connects the fetus to the uterine wall and regulates nutrition uptake, waste elimination, and gas exchange. It's a nice surprise for dads that aren’t expecting anything to follow after the baby. While it looks alien in nature, do not think that you are having an alien baby. The placenta is typically delivered in 5-30 minutes.

If you add up all three stages, giving birth is a pretty drawn-out process. This isn’t the movies where one minute the woman is walking down the street, and the next minute, she’s got a baby in her hands.

Speaking of movies, a woman’s water (amniotic fluid) rarely breaks before labor. It only happens in about 15% of women, and instead of the torrential wave of water that’s often portrayed in films, it’s usually more of an unimpressive leak. 75% of women will have their water broken during the active phase of labor.

Whatever happens, it looks like the wife is going to be in for the fight of her life. I'm rooting for you!

Check-list

 

With the birth of Caitlyn Olivia quickly approaching, Jessie asked me to make sure I had everything prepared for labor and delivery. Here’s a quick run-through of my check-list for dads.

1. Attend prenatal appointments: Check. While I haven’t been able to attend most of the prenatal appointments towards the end of Jessie’s pregnancy, I was fortunate enough to go at the beginning and middle to help support the wife and ask questions.
2. Take childbirth classes: Check. Even though I was thoroughly disappointed with the childbirth classes we took, reading and studying up on my own time have more than made up for them.
3. Know the route: Check. We’ve driven to and from the hospital a few times now and I have a pretty good grasp on how to get there. At the very least, if for whatever reason that I may get lost, I still have GPS at my side.
4. Prepare a birthplan: Check. Jessie and I have discussed what we expect when she gives birth. There’s to be no picture or video taking. (‘No’ means ‘yes,’ right?) Also, if she’s in so much pain that she needs and epidural, I’m to let her have it. And we’ve made a pact not to tell my mom, who’s against it. Shh…
5. Tour the hospital: Check. During one of the childbirth classes, part of the time was spent touring the hospital. I’m not pulling a Nick Cannon. No guessing we’re I’m supposed to take the wife. To the 9^th floor!
6. Pack a bag for hospital stay: Check. Jessie did this one all by herself. I’m so proud of her!
7. Join a dad’s group: Check. I’m part of two online dad’s group. Three if you want to count the one I started, which still stands at one member – me.

Cracking the Code

Often times, I will go into a baby or pregnancy forum to seek out advice or find answers to questions I might have. As I read through some of the posts, they almost seem to be written in a foreign language.

“I have been TTC. I’ve used an OPK to help determine the best time. DH and I have been BD 5 times a week. So today, when I POAS, I hope to get a BFP, so I can stop buying HPTs.”

What is this? The military?! What gives with all the acronyms? In the beginning, I would try to guess what the posters were saying, but eventually, even I had to admit defeat. I'd finally have to cheat and do a search for pregnancy acronyms.

What is the point of these acronyms anyways? Obviously, they save the writer a lot of time, but cost uniformed readers like me a lot of time trying to decipher the meanings. It’s almost like a secret society where only the insiders know what’s being said, and unless you are part of the initiated, you might as well hit the road.

I remember the first time I was introduced to acronyms such as LOL and BRB. It was in college and I was chatting with a friend. When he used these acronyms, I thought he was actually writing a word and foolishly, I would try to pronounce them phonetically. Lol? Brb? What does that mean?

Of course, I didn’t want to seem uneducated, so I didn’t say anything about it. But soon, more and more people began using them, along with other acronyms, and finally, I had to break down and ask someone what they meant. I felt like the uncoolest kid on the block. Everyone knew the latest slang, and here I was, left behind in the dust.

Since then, I’ve probably only added a few more acronyms to my mental dictionary, ROFLOL, TTYL, STFU, and WTF. After that, it just becomes a guessing game. Call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer the proper way of writing things out. It may take away more of my time, but I’m sure my readers are all the more grateful for it!

Random Musings

In an effort to prepare herself for labor, Jessie has actually been asking me to take her on walks. What? Am I dreaming?! Somebody pinch me! As a reward, I took her out for a stroll during the weekend at the memorial honoring the late Chiang Kai-Shek, savior and scourge of Taiwan.

After snapping several pictures at Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial, I decide to keep at it once we get home. One thing I’ve noticed is that as long as Jessie is playing with her iPhone, she won’t really pay any attention to what I’m doing, as evidenced by the numerous pictures I took of her with various stuffed animals.

There’s no way I could have pulled these off if she were just laying there. Of course, she probably didn’t think I’d be posting them up either. (Surprise!) If I can keep her busy with the iPhone when she goes into labor, maybe Jessie won’t notice the pain or the fact that she’s just had a baby. 

Which leads me to my next thought. Jessie has made it abundantly clear that she doesn’t want me snapping pictures or taking videos of her when she goes into labor. However, a friend whom she borrowed a breast pump from this weekend told her that she’ll regret not having those precious, captured memories of herself cursing, screaming, and going crazy at her beloved husband to cherish forever and ever. Well said.

Speaking of crazy, being pregnant comes with its benefits. People tend to treat you nicer and you always have a seat on the bus or subway. The reason? Because no one wants to argue with or get a pregnant woman angry.

That’s exactly why I had Jessie go into Blockbuster to try and get us a free DVD when the one we rented had a scratch and kept pausing in between scenes. Of course, this is after the fact that we finished watching the movie. Here’s how I imagine it going down:

Jessie: This DVD doesn’t work properly. I’d like to exchange it for another title.
Blockbuster: Sorry, that’s not part of our policy.
Jessie: Excuse me? I’m not sure you’re understanding me. Let me rephrase that for you. I’m 36 weeks pregnant, I waddled all the way over here, and now I’m hot and sweaty. I know you’re not talking crazy to me. Even my husband isn’t that stupid! (Or is he?)
Blockbuster: Uh… well, is a lifetime worth of free rentals, OK?
Jessie: Yes, I suppose that will be satisfactory.

And on a final note, after visiting the doctor’s and taking medication, my mom’s blood pressure has finally gone down to a normal level. Initially, her blood pressure was above 200/100, which falls into the category of hypertension crisis. This is severe hypertension with acute impairment of organ systems and the possibility of irreversible organ-damage.

Yikes! That’s some serious stuff there. I have no idea how she’s been making it around with that kind of blood pressure this entire time, but I’m glad everything is OK.

This ain't Goodwill

After surveying all the booty my parents hauled in for us, Jessie has decided we have way too much stuff. We have things left over from her sister, things given to us by friends, things we bought ourselves, and a ton of things my parents plan on spoiling the baby with.

Yesterday, one of Jessie’s friends came over in the morning with her baby. Jessie decided to give her friend some clothes she thought we wouldn’t be needing and a pair of socks. That’s cool, if not for the fact that they weren’t just any pair of socks. They were these super duper cute Converse socks. If I had to pick one thing out of all the things we have that I like the best, it would probably be those socks. Argh! Well, at least we still have one pair left.

In the evening, Jessie starts rummaging through the drawers of baby clothes and begins pulling things out left and right, telling me to start giving them away to people who have babies. Whoa! Hold your horses right there! We don’t even know if we really do have more than we need.

We have clothes ranging from newborn all the way up to 24 months, so to me, the stacks of clothes we have are a bit deceiving. I personally don’t think we have too many clothes for each stage of growth. At the very least, it never hurts to have a couple extra onsies in case of an emergency. I tell her to wait and see what our baby needs and doesn’t need before sending off all our clothes. At the very least, we can sell them online and make a quick buck or two out of it!

Is the wife thinking: (a) I'm super tired. (b) Being pregnant sucks. (c) Why did I let my husband buy this ugly mobile? (d) All of the above.

To Blog or Not to Blog

One of the many things I bought for our baby was a memory book. I think it’s important to document things so you have something to look back on in the future. That’s the reason why I started this blog. However, I’m not exactly sure if this blog is an accurate representative of what goes on in our lives. There’s probably an overabundance of male testosterone and immaturity mixed in.

That’s why I wanted Jessie to start one too. This way, there would be two sides to the story. However, every time I brought the idea up, she always had some sort of reason for me as to why she couldn't. “I’m too tired.” “I’m too busy.” "I'm too pregnant."

To her credit, she did “journal” in a notebook for a short period of time. But when I say the word ‘journal,’ I use it very loosely. She mainly wrote down short phrases and things she needed to do for the week.

Apparently, on Jan. 5, we had a fight. Not too uncommon in this household. However, after fact checking with my own blog, I notice that I make no mention of the aforementioned fight. See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. It's always good to have a second party taking down notes in case the other person misses something.

After Jessie quit her job about two months ago, I was hoping she would use this time to start a blog. After all, she’s stuck at home without much to do. This could be something to keep her busy.

But her new excuse turned out to be, “I’m not good at writing.” That’s funny coming from a person who once said, and I quote, “My writing would move you to tears.” Wow! Now that’s a pretty bold statement to make. About the only thing I would say my writing does to people is make them cringe or shake their head in bewilderment.

Unfortunately, the world may never see such writing from her, as it’s pretty obvious she’s adamant about not blogging. However, when I mentioned buying a memory book and said that it would be a mixture of writing short recollections and pasting photos in, she seemed interested and agreed to do it.

When I showed her the actual memory book yesterday, she took one look at it and said, “Oh, I have to write in it?” Uh, yea. That’s what we talked about. Wouldn’t be much of a memory book if you don’t write things down. She looked a bit dismayed and repeated her question again, “I have to write in it?” Woman, please! This is your daughter here! A little writing never killed anyone. Now let me be moved to tears!

P.S. When Jessie saw that I was posting pictures of her on the blog, she asked, then begged, and then finally threatened me to take out the pictures. At the very least, she told me to fix up the pictures so she wouldn't look so hideous in them. First of all, you're not hideous, you're beautiful. Second, you can't fix perfect!

So sad. Someone's more interested in her iPhone than her brand new memory book.

Even opening the book up a bit to entice her to take a peek couldn't break her gaze from the phone.

Contemplating what to look at first.

Jessie posing with all her new baby items.

A big, heartfelt thanks to my mom for lugging all this stuff over here!

This Just In...

Caitlyn Olivia has officially turned her head down! Baby is no longer in breech. To my mom and dad, you’all can turn that plane right around and head back home until June now. Just kidding! Well, I’m kidding at least. Dunno about Jessie.

After reporting the good news to me, Jessie says with this is out of the way, it just opens up the door for her to worry about other things. For instance, we’ve got a little heifer on our hands. The doctor is approximating the baby’s weight right now at around 3,000 grams or 6.61 pounds. The average weight for a 36 week baby is almost 6 pounds. We definitely smashed right through that. Jessie is worried that delivering such a big baby will be a problem for her.

Also, now that she can start mentally preparing for a natural birth, Jessie’s worried that she hasn’t been walking as much as she should have. And finally, she’s worried that the baby may decide to turn her head back around, as the doctor said there could be this possibility.

To all her concerns, I say, “Stop worrying!” I know it’s a very simple and easy thing to say, but it’s the truth. Let’s think about it.

So our baby is a little on the big side. What are you going to do about it? Starve yourself and force the baby to go on a diet? No, of course not. And I better not see you starting to eat smaller portions either!

As for not walking enough, I told you way back when to start walking and exercising more, but who was the one that said not to push her? Yea, exactly. I bet you wish now that I had pushed you a bit more. Only thing you can do now is to try walking more. Think of it as a good excuse for whenever you want to escape from the apartment and my parents. You’re killing two birds with one stone!

And if the baby turns her head back around, then so be it. Worrying about it isn’t going to prevent it from happening. Though at this stage, chances of that happening are already pretty slim anyway.

So you see, the mantra, “Don’t worry, be happy,” is so very true. Worrying won’t change anything. Some things are just out of our hands and control. If you worry about what will happen in the future, you miss out on all the good things happening right now.

Even the wise and venerable Master Oogway knew this when he said, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."